The Ramblings of the Sleep Deprived

>She changed position from her back to her belly to her side to her back and to her other side. It was no use, there was nothing she could do. The universe wouldn’t allow her to sleep. She even tried to put herself in a sort hypnotic state that worked for her mother to relax her muscles, but that didn’t even work. Finally, she gave up and went down stairs. She tried to sleep on the couch but no rest came and then she remembered that she had had a mocha before she went to bed, as dessert and decided this was the reason she could not sleep. What was more pathetic, she knew no one would care or sympathize with her condition since she was a student and legally an adult, therefore by legal definitions she was responsible for herself but she was also a child since her brain had not developed entirely just yet. She stared into the darkness on the couch. It was gloomy and she saw the future of yesterday. She had to plan out how she would deal with the sleep deprived part. Well, she could always sleep in advisory since no one did anything in it anyway. But how would she wake up. She slept through a concert and a fire alarm, so surely the bell wouldn’t wake her up . Just then, one of her roommates came in and turned on the kitchen light.

“Holy shit. I didn’t think you would sleep on the couch,” said her roommate. “Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“I was trying to sleep anywhere. I can’t sleep at all,” she said.

“I have some sleepy-time tea,” her roommate said.

“I don’t think it would help,” she said, again being reminded of the coffee in her system. She was an idiot, no putting coffee in the hot chocolate mix was stupid, but she wasn’t an idiot. Her idiotic act didn’t make her feel better. Maybe if she stared at a glowing screen that would help. Probably not, glowing screens made people feel more awake and not less. So, she replied to a couple of emails and then sat back, looking at the screen, imaging herself tucked in her bed as a younger self with her father making a cacoon so she wouldn’t roll around or get cold. Where were those days? She missed them. Was this the start of her becoming a work-a-holic? Goddess, she hoped not. She went upstairs and stepped on her porch. It was wet from the rain of a few hours ago. They said it would be sunny. She stared at the gardens. It was a crime to be this awake at this time. What was the time? 1:11am. It was 1/11/11, 1:11am, her father’s favorite time, well he liked it anyway and always talked about it. She went back down stairs and sat on the couch again. It was now 1:47 am. Time seemed to go slower and slower as she waited for it. Was she ever going to be able to go to sleep tonight? Or would she have to wait forever? She looked at her nails. Geh. Not worth the upkeep. Her dad loved nails, didn’t he? It was beyond her to think of anything like nails or hair had any importance at all. She knew too many stuck-up girls from her past who wore her down teasing her that were ugly in their souls who wanted to dress themselves and do everything to make them feel pretty. She never aimed for pretty and would never try. It was either cover everything or elegance with her but never pretty. Pretty was a foul word, too, wasn’t it? It sort of belittled the female race into making believe that if they are pretty automatically they are sexy, which isn’t the case. Little girls are pretty but they are not sexy and they shouldn’t learn what it means until they are teenagers. Society thinks otherwise. That’s fine for society. If one thinks society has no affect whatsoever on them, they are mistaken, she thought. Like that boy in class, he was obnoxious too. Girls are bitches and men are innocent, said society, well fuck society. If one said they are entitled to something, they aren’t; they just have slightly more power and money than other people but the law says everyone is equal, which means everyone should be treated like shit. The rich are the ones to decide who will be treated like shit and they all agreed hundreds of years ago that it should be the poor and middle class. That’s human nature, isn’t it lovely? Don’t agree with it? Too bad. Thinks she. Some people should go to bed but some people drank coffee. Damn coffee, it doesn’t even taste good, but like wine they drink anyway. Damn coffee. She was thinking about this while staring at the darkness. Look now, it’s two. She had two hours and half before she had to get up for school. Damn it to hell, she wasn’t ever going to get some rest. Wit? Ha, she would be slow tomorrow if anyone used wit around her. Of course, everyone will know she is sleep-deprived since she will act slower than usual and the teachers sensing this will pick on her. Lovely life is, isn’t it, the certainties it brings. But since life is made up of chaos, there is an unknown factor in which she has no idea how she will act tomorrow. Do dead people still worry about god? Who knows.