I am washing the dishes. Looking how the soap sticks to the pans and slides down. Then my hand lift the faucet and then oh so carefully, I aim it at the pans and pots, to let it get blasted with water. Water can hurt, water can heal but the most important thing is that it goes up becomes a pretty cloud and then comes down to become part of the river once again. She came up behind me and grabbed me and squeezed my breasts.
"Come with me to the bedroom," she whispered in my ear.
"No, Silla, not yet," I said.
"Why not? It's not like you're doing anything," she said.
"I am cleaning after the mess you made. I refuse to live in this pig sty!" I said, throwing down the pan I was washing.
"Remember where I found you: in the street with no money, no job, no house and now look at ya, a wealthy actress who gets a table faster than the president," she said, in that soothing voice that I had learned to hate.
"I'm dumping this lifestyle and I want you to come with me," I said. "But I know you won't."
"I can't give up everything I worked for," Vorsilla said. I nodded.
"So this is good bye," I said.
I walked out of our life, our home, my dog and her. Maybe she would make a movie to show me. Maybe she would sell the house. I was a wealthy actress who bought an expensive house and had all the women I ever wanted. I wanted something more. That's when I met Nerra. She was a struggling nurse with two children, seven and half, Augustus and five year old, Velma. I remember meeting her in a cafe in Stockton although I don't know where. I remember the crowd of people begging me for an autograph. Two years, we kept it hidden, she was in the process of a divorce and I was acting. We met every weekend and Velma used to call me "Mommy Sunny." Even though Nerra encourage her not to, especially around her father. We moved to L.A. and I was called for an interview with People's Magazine. It was a long and tedious interview. The article came out and the article said that Vorsilla dumped me and then I moved in with a troubled nurse who couldn't get her life together and sources said that the relationship was getting in the way of my concentration of my work. Nerra dumped me on Christmas Eve because she said "I have to sort things out with the kids and everything." I was alone for Christmas.
I went to a bar. Then the next morning, I woke up with a headache. I cried because of my head. I cried about Vorsilla. I cried about Nerra. I cried about how many people stopped me in the street. And I cried about that my parents couldn't accept me, so they kicked me out onto the streets. I cried about everyone I knew stopped talking to me because I was too lesbian or too wealthy for them to deal with. I cried and I cried and I cried.
After all the tears, I saw glistening rainbow and a woman stepped out and said "I am God, don't worry things will get better." Of course by then I had gotten drunk so I could have been hallucinating. I had adopted a boy named Alfred and then quit all famehood. We moved to Seattle and I started him in public school and I started teaching Drama to middle schoolers. I didn't tell them about my past careers but told them about Alfie. One day, at the end of class one of my seventh graders came up to me and she said, "Ms. Rivers?"
"Yes, Vicky?" I asked.
"I want to be like Sunny Rivers, she's so elegant and so happy in her movies," she told me. I just smiled and said, "You may be anything you want to be." But I thought to myself, I was never happy acting, but I am happy teaching.
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